glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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