Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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