I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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