We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize