sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later