He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes