He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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