If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are we still banned from the library?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
