Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
