He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?