I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil