You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life