I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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