I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
