I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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