3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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