Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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