dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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