worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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