I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize