Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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