I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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