her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
