just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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