I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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