Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.