Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.