you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I still have a little drunk in my system