I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
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It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.