Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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