I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
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It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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