Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
