Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize