Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
