Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.