did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.