so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.