I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"