Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
and she was petting her beer can
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet