That's intense
I need help removing her.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
