He is like the real live version of the state fair..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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