proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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