I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
