I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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