you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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