moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
