please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?