I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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