My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
