Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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