Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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