just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
