I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
