Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
