i already hear my dad disowning me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
