If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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