I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
