You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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