I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
