I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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